That one Dream ;)

 I'm having that dream again. That one where you're standing there and I leap into your arms. Or the one thanks to one of my friends. :) Of us making out. I really am a hopeless romantic. I'm really worried about you. His been in this funk today, and he won't tell me why. I need him to tell me. It's killing me inside. I really miss talking to him. We haven't talked as much lately. It's kind of killing me. I think him too. But I couldn't be sure. God those images have been stuck in my head. She thinks I should wait if i'm going to date you, but i don't think you like me. Well not like that anyway. You've always been my anchor. I can't loose you know. Not after all this. I need him. There are so many days I just want to run up and hug you. I know, however, that I can not do that. Well at least not without a lot of explaining afterward.

Shadows

   I live in the shadows with these great people who will never be able to shine through the darkness. We're all supposed to have this place in the hierarchy of life. They always say that rules are meant to be broken. Well at least some are.  Is this one that is supposed to be broken, or is it one that's supposed to be stuck to? To that no one will ever have a straight answer. I believe though that's all about what you want. If you're happy with where you are at in this hierarchy, Then so be it. Do nothing, live your life in peace and serenity.
  For those of you who want to break through the shadows. We have to ban together. Storm the castle if you will. We can't let them 'put us in our places'. As one of the great people in the shadows has recently told me, We have to fight for ourselves. With out doing that we will be walked on our entire lives. If you're okay with that then so am I. But personally I don't like being used. Told I'm not good enough. Being objectified because I'm not rich or popular. I'm just Done. Done with being just that girl in the corner nobody really sees. Sure I'm seen literally, but I'm done being just seen and not heard. It's time for something more than that. We've got to step out of the shadows. Break free of this curse. That's been bestowed upon us for centuries. We have to be done. We have to strive for light. Strive for ourselves.

 

Choices

    Life is like living in the middle of a fairy tale. Some of the stuff is reality, and the rest is well not. Some of the things we wish weren't a reality, are the things we can't ever escape. No matter how hard we try. How much we change. Reality will always be the same. It's just a matter of how you live that reality that matters. You can have the best life in the world, and still feel like you're in hell. While some "trailer park hill billy's" think they're living the life. It's all about what you do. So don't ever think that what you do doesn't matter. Because it matters more than anything on this Earth, that you could possibly imagine.

You.

    I don't know if I like you, or if we're just really good friends. I'm afraid to admit to myself that I do. Although that takes me back to that first sentence. We're really close, and I'm worried a relationship will ruin that. But I'm even more scared of you saying you don't like me the way I do you. I've been denying it for so long.  There are times when I'm sure you're the only person who has any chance of actually cheering me up. Then there is what mom said to me today. Date your enimies because then you can be a bitch when you break up. Not your friends because then you'll lose them. I don't want to lose him. Right now he's my anchor. He's holding me down. Keeping me from going insane. I feel I need you in my life, I'm just not sure as what right now..

I Need You.

    I really need someone right now. To help me through all the pain and suffering. But the problem is that I have no one. No one to turn my head to for comfort. No one to tell me i'm beautiful even when i'm an emotional wreck. I just want that one person who I can look forward to seeing every damn day. Just hold me like everything is going to be okay. The problem is, that I don't think you exist. At least I haven't been able to find you yet. I want to be the girl who can look past your flaws. To tell you I love you no matter what happens. Tonight I needed you more that ever before. Confiding in my mom was great, but as much as I love her. She can't be my emotional soundboard forever. I want to have that person. The person you can go up to after a long day, and just be with them. Without any explanation. Because they know that when you're ready you will fill them in on everything that they need to know. What happens when i'm at school. My mom's not there to be my sounding board. And that's where i'm most afraid i'll break down and they'll be no one to catch me as i'm falling. I know that in reality no one is perfect, but can't i have someone who's perfect in my eyes? The pain and anger and depression is building inside me. I don't want to break down. I can't handle that without you. Are there people I think might make the cut sure, but they don't feel the same. They may care about me. But they sure as hell don't express it. I think i'm waiting for something that'll never come. I'm withering away inside, and I have no idea how to stop it. I need someone to help me see the way. Something to go through each day for. Because right now I feel like i'm just going through the motions.